Today is the first of my ‘creative Wednesdays’ – for several years I have yearned to reduce my working week and have a day where I can just ‘create’ in whatever form that may be. However generally ‘life’ got in the way and it never seemed appropriate or possible. This year though I decided to grasp the bull by the horns and just go for it, partly a looming birthday with a zero at an end, and partly the renewed realisation that life is too short. So after discussion with my line manager I have dropped a few hours and squished some others so that I now have a day a week to do as I please!
I have several projects already on the go which I really want to get round to completing, and other plans nipping at my heels wanting to be started.
This morning I worked on a writing project and wrote 2,800 words, and this afternoon I turned to an illustration project and inked in a painting I had done last year. It is number five out of a planned ten.
A good start I thought, but impostor syndrome has been rearing its head this afternoon. Apart from the fact I don’t think my work is any good, I’m also feeling a weird guilt about giving myself this time when I *should* be at work. Feeling that I am being too self indulgent, who am I to have some ‘creative’ time when I am clearly rubbish at it?!
I have been looking forward to this time for weeks, so am sad I am now feeling unworthy. All I can do is keep on keeping on, and hope to eventually feel my creativity is ‘worth it’.